Stew's Life

Paintball And The Mind

2005-03-12T23:50:00.000-06:00

Well it has been quite a while since my last post so i have a lot to talk about. I have really grown close to Amanda over the past 2 weeks since we have been going out. We have been talking on the phone more and some other things. ;) School has been ok also. A couple of days ago was one of the craziest lunches at school. Ryan, Travis, Alex, Matt, Dusty, Justin, and me were all on sugar and caffeine rushes. That was funny. We were fighting over sour straws and they were old too. Also the pencil shapner of doom was different too. And today day has been both fun and a little depressing also. I went over to Alex's today because we were going paintballing with his church and while i was over there i saw one of the most messed up movies of all time. It was Freddy Got Fingered. This movie was funny but just wrong. I also talkind to Amanda while i was over there and we were talking about last nite and then i called her from Alex's cell phone. She really was not feeling to well to say the least. Then i went to go paintball. I got shot 13 times but it was still fun. In one of the games i zoned out and i all of the sun got really worryed like something was not right. I got shot right then also. When i was on the way back to teh church i got the same feeling again but stronger. I just do not know what is wrong. I tryed to call Amanda but she was not home and the weird thing is that she wanted me to giver her some songs and wanted to talk earlyer.

Life Changer

2005-02-26T23:36:00.000-06:00

Things have sure changed for me in a good way. One of my friends that i talk to in Ohio named Amanda i found out like me. We had been talking a lot more in the past 3 week. We have now become more than just good friends. Her friend asked me out for her and i said yes. We have now been going out for 5 days and i am so happy. I love her and she love me, we talk online all of the time. One of my closest friends, Julie, is going to see a shrink on Wed. And that is good news. I am so glad i was able to move on thou because i am so happy now. Things have gotten crazy to say the least online thou. The chat rooms have been deferent and i talk to a lot of people now. There is Julie, Amanda, Travis, Ryan, Sarah D, Matt, Kylee, and Alex. Mostly it is Amanda that i talk to. I got to talk to Amanda on the phone today and that was fun. I just wish that i could meet her. I miss her every day and when we talk that just make me fell so much better. I dream of her at night (not in a sick way but just to meet her). I wake up and for a sec. i thought i was really with her. But then i come to my senses and realize that i am not and that makes me mad. Well i a so happy now that i have Amanda.*hugs and kisses to Amanda*

The See-Saw Day

2005-02-18T00:14:00.000-06:00

Well i sure had my ups and down today (luckily more ups that downs). First there was the talent show and that was fun to watch. Julie and Rachel did really well and so did Jasile (i don't know how to spell her name). Then we did not have a sub or any teacher in Algerba II. That was fun. Then we had a sub in orchestra and we did not do any thing in there. Then come the drop it rises back up really fast. I found out the Julie has a boyfriend. I had a lot of stuff in my head that i was getting rid of when i found out. Well just put it this way, Julie saw me crying for the first time and i hope i don't cry like that EVER AGAIN. I was sad when i got home but then it got better. I went to a concert and that was one of the best i have been to in a long time. Just put this way, i was felling better in no time. There were lots of mosh pits and i got in a few and so did Mat. In one Mat and i were really pushing each other. I got hit in the nose one and it bled a little. But it did not hurt. The first two bands were not to good but when the others got on it got crazy. I had a lot of fun. My day has been good for the most part and all the good out weighs the bad and that was good.

The Argument

2005-02-11T19:20:00.000-06:00

Well this week has been better that it has been in the last two weeks but it could still get better. Yesterday was the first day that i did not get in any arguments. That was the highlight of the week so far. Today was not so good though. For some reason i was really depressed and i wish i could quit being so sad. On Tuesday my mom really pissed me off. Told her that Julie and i had broke up over two weeks ago and now she thinks that i am not nice to girls. She got all mad and shit at me and all i did was turn up the radio in the car full blast so i could not her. Who i got home Julie called and my mom decided that she would bug me. When i was on the phone she would keep on getting on to me and i would slam the door. She said that she would tell Julie embersing things about me. I don't see what she could do. On Sunday though it was not all fun. When i was on the phone with Julie my grandma started to bitch. I got in to a argument when i was on the phone. I did not want her to hear that and that is what got me the maddest. When i got off the phone my grandma started bitching and yelling at me to do my homework and how i did not get off the phone when she told me. I yelled back and then my mom came in and told me to shup up. I didn't and i got hit on the back of the head and it almost put me to the ground. I went in my room and broke my mirror. So that has been my week. At school nothing really happened.

The Family That Is Not My Family :(

2005-02-05T19:25:00.000-06:00

Well this week has been really bad for me. On the 29th i had my concert and it went well. Then on Sunday things got bad to say the least. I told my parents that i was not Christian
and that i really do not have a religion. They really freaked out and called almost my whole family. Now they have pretty much disowned me. They say evil things to me all the time and always look at me weird. Then that night i started to cut my self again and i had lots of pills ready to take. I was going to try to od my self to death. Luckily the first sleeping pill got to me fairly fast and i went to sleep. This whole week they have not said any thing nice to me and it is REALLY PISSING ME OFF. So the only people that are nice to me are my friend so they are what is keeping me alive. If i did not have any i am afraid that i would go through with killing my self. Then today had it not that i went to mall with one of my friend i would have gone crazy. When i got back my mom gave me a big talk and kept on swearing at me. Had i herd this all day i probably would have told my mom to fuck off. Then i would be grounded. I think that a lot of parents are going crazy because one of my best friends parents won't get her help and she really needs it.

Don't Get Mad Get Glad :)

2005-01-25T20:05:00.000-06:00

Today Julie broke up with me. Yea, in some if not many ways I was sad but after talking to Ari I fell so much better. I don't know but she really has a way of helping people in these kinds of situations. I guess that i will deal with this very easily. Also i understand Julie's reasoning for breaking up and i am truly glad that she is going to get help and to tell the truth i am glad that we broke up if she was not ready and as in my poem "But for you I promise I will wait."

Well i was on the phone with Ari for over 1 hour talking about stuff that needed to be talked about. She gave me a good out look on life and it is true that i do not need to dewell on things like that.Well that is all that is going on right now and i end with this quote: "If yor ship doesn't come in, swim out to it." -Steve M. Pigee

The week of music

2005-01-22T21:27:00.000-06:00

Lately I have been getting ready for a concert on the 29th of this month. It has been crazy to say the least. Not only am I doing a lot of music and shit but also some of my friends are to. For example some of my friends went to all region band and that is two days long. Also Julie has a recital also. Rachel and Julie have been working on a song for the talent show at our school. She has been really going crazy but if she really thinks that she needs the practice then I wish the best of luck to them. I have been working on some Beethoven like the 1st symphony. I think it will sound really well but I am last chair in the orchestra. I am going to see if and of my friends want to come to the concert. I think that January is the month of music for me and some of my friends. The only one that is usually doing orchestra at this time but quit is Sarah. It make it were I have no one to talk to during orchestra.

So Happy

2005-01-11T19:40:00.000-06:00

Well today was the first two semester tests to day. I had Health and French, The first test was really easy and the French test Mr. Mitton told us the answers to the hard ones.
Then in word processing we did not do any work and Mrs. Cooney let me move (she never lets me move.) In bio. i was talking to Julie and it was in there that i decided to ask her out. On bus in the afternoon she made me eat one chip. I really was not in the mood to eat. Then not long after that, I asked her out. She said yes, that is why I am so happy.

Felling Better

2005-01-06T08:29:00.000-06:00

Well I have been taking my anti depressant pills and I fell like my old self. Julie does not know me like my old self I talk a LOT MORE, I do my work and I don't fell like killing my self as much. Well Julie I hope you will like how I normally act you have only seen it just a couple of times like today for example. I will be able to talk a lot more. I hope you will be a lot happier too I am tired of seeing all of my friend all suicidal and shit. I am also glad that i was wrong about what Julie had to say, Sarah had me all woryed about what she had to say.

Tsunami relief

2005-01-01T13:45:00.000-06:00

Well i have been thinking and well i would really like to help people from the tsunami. I need some ideas to gather money seeing that i have no money. Julie and Ari if u read this we should start something to help if u have any ideas please coment.

Thank You ,

Stewart

2004-12-31T22:36:00.000-06:00

Well lately I have not been to well. I thought I would have fun playing paintball at my cousins. Instead all I herd was lots of arguing and shit like that. Also all I did there was pickup Christmas trees for my uncle's new year bon fire. Then I went camping and the dogs at my uncle's attack it in the middle of the night. Also I have been missing all of my friends from school and around were I live. Some of my friends from school are like family. I kind of looking forward to school in that way. And when I got home today all I herd was more bitching from my mom. I just wish I could talk to some one with out getting yelled at. The only fun I had all week was when I was on the phone with Julie and Ari. We talking about lots of stuff and lots of indepth stuff.

Well Julie I can not write any more so deal with it.:)

2004-12-22T14:48:00.000-06:00

Well the last two days have been werd lately to say the least. I was on the phone for over 3 hours with Julie yesterday. We had been talking about the whole Clayton thing (people that know me know what i am talking about). Well also it has started to snow here in sherwood and that is very rare. I also got julie a christmas gift but she says i should have not got her that gift. She says she is not worth it when realy is worth more that what i gave her. She got me a gift but still says I should have given her any thing. Well that is all that is realy going on right now i will post again later to day at my house.

Lost and Confused

2004-12-15T08:41:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I told one of my best friend that I liked her. I did this through a poem and letting her find out from there. Then she had asked me to open up more and tell things in my head. Well I still had trouble with that. I don't know how to open up. I guess I should take more chances. If any one reads this and that can help me please do. Thanks

Why Can't I...

2004-12-13T21:04:00.000-06:00

This is for someone i like.

Why can't i say i love you,

Why can't i say that I do,

Why can't i seem to find the words to say,

Why can't i just tell you how i feel today,

Why can't i stop being sucha coward and a fool,

Why can't i say it here or at school,

Why can't i just be brave for one day,

Why can't i stop walking away,

Why can't i hold you in my arms forever and always,

Why can't i let you know that you have my heart,

Why can't i tell you that i hope we never part,

Why can's i just swallow all of my fears,

Why can't i tell you i love you around our peers?

To my friend

2004-12-13T20:23:00.000-06:00

Today on the way to school one of my very good friends, Julie, asked a good question. She asked why I was her friend. I was not able to give a good reason that I'm her friend but now I think I got it in a poem.

A Friend Is Someone...

A friend is someone who cares

Someone who is always there

A friend is someone special

Someone who you can tell everything

(I some times have trouble with that)

A friend is someone who will never betray you

No matter who doesn't like you

A friend is someone you can trust

Someone kind of like you

Sorry that I could not answer earlier.

Christmas Lights And The Paintball

2004-12-12T21:37:00.000-06:00

Well today was really weird, I was putting up my Christmas lights outside and it is a real hassle and some of the light would not work. When I was trying to fix the lights on the little fake tree one of my friends KC got out his paintball gun and tried shooting me while I had my back turned. Then I ran in the house and got mine and then went full auto (my gun shoots up to 12 a sec). He only shot me once i hit him 14 times. I will do that againg if he ever moons the bus again.

Hi to all

2004-12-11T13:26:00.000-06:00

Well I am new to this but I have a lot to say on different day. I am a person that no one really wants to know but my friends are good to me but that is all that is good to me. I tend to cry easily (damn I'm a loser). Well add comment if u want to. Back tomorrow.